Magic Tart - so simple even a chimpanzee could make it

 This is the easiest tart/dessert you'll ever make. No kidding, no exaggeration, no bullsh*t! I guess that's the reason its is simply titled: "Magic Recipe".
 I kid you not, any oke, even a chimpanzee, could make it - and get it right first time. Which is probably why it'll become my go-to tart/dessert recipe. It tastes like a coconut milk tart - if there is such a thing.
 I got this recipe from my mother-in-law but am not sure of its origins. It is apparently is a hit in the rural church circles she is involved with and I can see why.

Ingredients:

4 eggs
1/4 cup of margarine
1 cup of white flour
1/4 teaspoon of salt
1/2 teaspoon of baking powder
2 cups of milk
1 cup of coconut
1 teaspoon of vanilla essence.

Method:

Whack all the stuff in a blender and blend until thoroughly mixed.

Pour the resulting gunge into a buttered 10 inch (25cm) pie dish.

Shove it into an oven preheated to 350F (180C) for an hour.

Remove, cut and serve. It is delicious hot or cold.

There was some mixture left over which I cooked for two minutes in the microwave in a mug. It tasted just fine but the texture wasn't quite right. Nontheless, the microwave version would work well for those "I'm still hungry, isn't there anything sweet?" after dinner requests.

The Old Crone's unbelievably delicious Chocolate Mousse

I really shouldn't call her "The Old Crone" as she is anything but. It started as a joke between us and kinda just stuck.
 Joy, my wife, a.k.a. "The Old Crone" is a fantastic cook so, when she said she planned to make a good, old-fashioned chocolate mousse, I prevailed up on her to write a guest post for Hungry Oke.
 I was there every step of the way, taking pictures, tasting, offering advice and generally getting in the way.

 

How to make a good, old fashioned chocolate mousse 

by Joy Hamann

 “Chocolate mousse,” I told my colleagues when they asked what desert I planned for a dinner party for friends.

 “That one in a box where just add milk?” one asked?

 I was mortified! There is nothing I hate more than the obvious taste of a “boxed” dessert – especially chocolate.

 My fail-safe recipe comes from an old English recipe book I bought years ago. Ingredients are few and easy to come by and it’s quick to make, rich, creamy and with a hint of rum flavour. It can be served in individual dishes or in a large bowl with cream piped around the edges.

You will need:

175g plain chocolate broken into pieces (if you want a richer taste, go with dark chocolate).

30ml strong black coffee

4 eggs, separated. (I couldn’t find my egg separator so I did what I’ve seen the Master Chefs on TV do – used the palm of my hand to hold the yoke while the white ran between my fingers into a bowl).

1 x 15ml spoon rum (I didn’t have rum, but used sherry. Because it doesn’t have as strong a taste as rum, you will need to use more, but be careful not to use too much because it will make your mousse watery.)

To finish you will need:

150ml fresh double cream

1 x 15 ml spoon grated chocolate

Method:

Put the chocolate pieces and coffee in a heatproof bowl over a pan of hot water and heat gently until the chocolate melts, stirring occasionally. Remove from the heat and leave to cool for a couple of minutes.

Beat the egg yolks and gradually stir into the chocolate mix. Stir in the rum. 

 

Beat the egg whites until stiff, in a clean mixing bowl with an electric or rotary beater or go old-school and use a hand-whisk. When separating the eggs, be careful not to get any yoke into the white. If you do, you'll beat until you are blue in the face and the whites will still not get stiff. 

Once the egg whites are stiff, fold carefully into the chocolate mixture until thoroughly combined. Folding (and not mixing) is important to get a light and fluffy effect.

Spoon into four individual glasses (I used flat champagne glasses) and chill in the fridge for several hours, preferably overnight. Before serving, whip the cream until thick, then pipe a rosette of cream on each mouse and sprinkle with grated chocolate. I used a mixture of white chocolate and biscuit wafer (PS Bar) and the remaining plain chocolate.

Since I don’t have a cream piper, I spooned the whipped cream into a plastic bag, and pushed the air out of the bag, cut a corner to form a piper. It didn’t work as well as expected, so I will soon be investing in a decent cream piper. But the end result was good and my guests certainly enjoyed their fresh, home-made chocolate mousse dessert.

Pollo Italienne - my go-to chicken dish

Pollo Italienne

(serves 4)

 This has become my "go to" chicken recipe. It's about the easiest chicken dish you can cook and is always a crowd-pleaser. It will also work brilliantly as a potjie*.
 It's an "okes" dish where, after the initial prep, you can let it cook without worrying or faffing and have a few toots at the same time.
 This recipe originates with Australian Masterchef judge and writer, Matt Preston, who calls it "Chicken Italienne". I call it "Pollo Italienne", mostly because I figure it sounds more exotic and impressive.
 I've tweaked it slightly, in as much as, I cook it in a flat-bottomed, cast-iron, pot on the (gas) stove-top rather than in the oven, as per Matt's recipe.

Ingredients:

1.5 kg chicken pieces. Thighs and drumsticks work best
2 large onions
2 teaspoons of garlic paste
1 tablespoon of dried parsley. Use fresh if you prefer
1 can of tomato soup
Currie powder, salt, pepper and spices to taste.

Method:

Brown chicken pieces and onions in a pan. (In my case the cast-iron pot)

Add spices and seasoning.
When the chicken is browned and the onions caramelized, add the tin of tomato soup.

Add 1/2 to 1 cup of sherry or wine, if you want.
Bake in an oven preheated to 180C for approximately 75 minutes. If cooking on the stove-top in a cast-iron pot, place the lid on the pot and simmer on a low heat for approximately 75 minutes.

Serve on a bed of pasta of your choice.

Notes:

In this particular case, I served the chicken with couscous, rather than pasta as I knew one of the guests does not enjoy pasta.

 *For non-South African readers, a potjie is a process of cooking a one-pot dish over a fire. Cooking is done in a pot-bellied, three-legged, cast-iron pot. It is steeped in tradition and, for many, almost a religious experience.

Gnocchi with chicken and vodka sauce

My gnocchi instructor and daughter-in-law, Chinal Zakrajsek

 I trust all you Moms were spoiled rotten on Mothers' Day yesterday, and you okes went to some trouble.

 I went all out.

 But, if the truth be told, I had no choice, two weeks ago, the Old Crone declared she would be doing no cooking on Mothers Day and, if we okes wanted to eat, we'd need to pull out our fingers and get off our butts.

 Fortunately, I am blessed with a daughter-in-law of Italian heritage who is a fabulous cook and baker and she came to my rescue.

 "I'll teach you to make gnocchi with chicken and vodka sauce," Chinal said.

 "Err...okay..."

She sensed my hesitation. Until yesterday, I'd neither seen nor tasted gnocchi.

 "Gnocchi is very easy to make, but difficult to get perfect," Chinal said.

 An hour or so later, the kitchen looked as though it had been hit by a flour-blomb but the gnocchi and sauce was done and it was delicious. I did my best to shamelessly take the credit but neither the Old Crone nor my 81 year-old mother was buying that.

 Afterwards, the Old Crone tried but failed to make me feel better when she declared: "You did a very good job cleaning up!"

 Pffft!!

Chinal's Gnocchi with Chicken and Vodka sauce

Ingredients:

(serves 3-5)  

                     
350 grams of flour
1 Kg sweet potato (we used regular potatoes as not everyone likes sweet potatoes)
1 egg
1 tsp salt

40g grated Parmesan cheese

Gnocchi is very easy to make, but difficult to get perfect. It takes practice.  This is a simple recipe for practice.  I use sweet potatoes because of the flavor, but regular potatoes are even easier to work with.

1.   Boil potatoes with skin on. (The skins help keep the water out. You don’t want your potatoes to be saturated. )

2.   Once boiled, dab with cloth to absorb any water. Peel and mash the potatoes. They should be soft enough to use a fork for mashing.

3.   On a clean counter-top, well dusted with flour flatten, the mound of potatoes into a 1-2 inch thick layer. Spread the flour on top for a second layer; sprinkle the salt and parmesan cheese on top of flour. 

 

4.   Scoop out the center, creating a little hole in the center. Drop the egg into the "well".

5.   Scramble the egg in the center, once it is whisked, use your hand to combine the ingredients. You may need to add flour to get a dough-like consistency, but do not add too much. (Too much flour will make the gnocchi hard and dense.)

6.   Knead the dough to form a loaf (Don’t over-knead. It will make them chewy)

7.   Once you have a loaf, slice lengths. Roll the lengths in flour and roll them out.

8.   Slice the rolls to make 2 - 4 cm (1 -2 inch) pieces. Size is up to you.

9.   Shake off excess flour and drop the pieces into salted boiling water.

10.  Once they all have floated to the top, they are done and ready to strain

11.  Let them cool down before serving. You can reheat, but letting them cool down will allow them to firm up. (If using regular potatoes you don’t really need to let them cool.)

12.  In a separate pan fry finely-diced chicken breasts.

Vodka Sauce

(serves 2-4)

I love Vodka Sauce. This one is a little different from the traditional style. I find this sauce is very good for Gnocchi. The flavor works really well with sweet potato too.

Ingredients:

1 Can tomato puree (Use diced tomatoes for a chunky sauce)
½ of 1 onion (diced)
½ cup Vodka (or in our case, Soju)
2 cloves garlic
2 tsp basil
1 tsp thyme
2 tsp sugar
½ cup cream
¼ cup of butter

1.   Pour tomato puree into small pot
2.   Fry onion and garlic in butter in pan until golden brown and add to tomato puree.

3.   Add the vodka to pot with tomato puree.

5.   Add cream

6.   Add basil, thyme and sugar. Cook for 30 minutes on low heat, stirring once in a while. (Add black pepper to taste at the end if you like a little kick)

7.   Cover your reheated gnocchi with the diced chicken and pour the sauce over it.

(Warning:  First time Gnocchi eaters; you won’t be able to eat as much as you think you can eat. Give yourself a smaller portion, trust me, they are filling.)

Please be cool and share!

How to eat a cheese sandwich

 And you thought that thing your Mum compressed into your school lunchbox was just a plain, simple, cheese sarmie. Seems not.

 The cheese sandwich has been, identified (according to the Guardian) as Britain's favourite weekday, lunchtime, nibble. It is not just a sandwich, but one of the building blocks of that country's identity - or so The Guardian says.

 This staggering news saw the publication of an in-depth article in...yep, you guessed it, The Guardian...on "How to eat a cheese sandwich." It's long and filled with facts and technique and if you are to attain your full cheese-sandwich-chomping potential, I seriously recommend you put aside a few minutes and check out the full article.

 However, for those who want the 30-second soundbite version, allow me to summarize.

•  Choose a hard, waxy tangy cheese along the lines of mature cheddar, lincolnshire poacher or red leicester.
•  Slicing is preferable to grating.
•  Choose a good quality, impeccably-fresh bread.
•  Eat the sandwich at room temperature.
•  Real butter, not margarine or spread.
•  Cut horizontally through the middle of the bread. Never diagonally. Eat the less enjoyable “square edged” bottom half first, as it has the larger, drier crust area, and then sit back and savour that relatively luxurious, rounded top-half.
•  Drink with it, a huge mug of brick-red tea, or a zippy, lightly bitter golden or pale ale.

Now you know.

Microwave chocolate cake in a beer mug

 We sorted dinner for Mother's Day with the incredibly simple, quick, easy and delicious Marco Pierre White spaghetti carbonara recipe but obviously your mother, your childrens' mother or the woman you want to be the mother of your children needs something sweet to complete the meal.
 So let's knock up something easily quick and delicious. The inspiration for this comes from Table for Two Blog although I made a few small changes, mainly to accommodate mistakes I made and substitutions for ingredients I did not have.

 First off, it's important to note that all microwaves are different, so the cooking times are guidelines rather than set in stone. Tweak and test for yourself.
 My first attempt saw a mistake that turned into a happy result. I forgot to add the baking powder and ended up with a pudding rather than a cake. I added fresh cream and it was delicious.

The beer mug "pudding"

 The next attempt got everything right. This is a good one.

Ingredients:

1/4 cup all purpose flour
2 tablespoons unsweetened cocoa powder
2 tablespoons granulated sugar (add one more if you prefer it sweeter)
1/4 teaspoon baking powder
1/8 teaspoon salt
1/4 cup + 1 tablespoon milk
2 tablespoons of vegetable oil
1 tablespoon of peanut butter or Nutella or similar

Method:

1.   In a medium bowl, whisk together the dry ingredients.

 2.   Add the milk and vegetable oil and whisk until all ingredients are combined and the batter is smooth and silky with no lumps.

 3.   Pour the batter into a microwave-proof mug that is large enough to allow the cake to rise.

4.   Drop a tablespoon of peanut butter into the middle of the batter.

5.   Place in microwave and cook on high for two minutes. (This is a guideline. Test with a tooth-pick and adjust according to your microwave.) The cake will continue to cook for a while when it is out of the microwave.

6.   Allow to cool and garnish with chocolate shavings etc.

Please be cool and share!

How to make a McDonalds Big Mac at home

 I guess I'm like most okes - I like junk food. I try not to eat too much of it because Joy, the mad old cat woman I'm married to says it will clog my arteries and she surprisingly wants me around for a while yet.
 But let's be honest. When you're hungry, a Big Mac, fries and large shake is effing awesome!
 So I was pretty chuffed when I came across this YouTube video published on  The Art of Cooking blog.
 As zee French narrator says: "Zis is 'ow you make a Beek Mac at 'ome."

Please be cool and share!

How to slice lots of little tomatoes at the same time

  The salad is ready. All that is left to do is slice up half a pack of cherry tomatoes.

 Pfft! All?!! Slicing cherry tomatoes individually is a real pain in the sphincter.

 It's finicky and messy and, if you had your way, you'd just toss them whole on top of the salad. But nooo...it's all about looks. We eat with our eyes...or so we're told by our wives.

 But there is hope for us okes. Here is a tip I found that makes the whole palava quick and easy.

 Published in Harpers Bazaar by Jayne Maynard, a food blogger at This Week for Dinner, it involves clamping the little buggers between two plates and using a sharp knife to cut them all at once.

 Cool trick!

Yo mamma or yo baby mamma will love this! Marco Pierre White's Spaghetti Carbonara

 Your mother did a lot for you. She changed your diaper, wiped your nose, cooked and ironed for you. She was there when you needed her, nurturing and supporting.

 Let's be honest, the poor woman deserves a medal, or at least a meal cooked by you. And Mother's Day is only a few days away.

 Fuggetabout taking her out to some fancy restaurant. Anyone can do that. Cook the meal yourself, dammit!

 But what's an oke or okette, who spends little time in the kitchen, to cook? What's easy, quick and the equivalent of something she'd get in a restaurant?

 The most downloaded recipe on the Australian Masterchef website is Marco Pierre White's Spaghetti Carbonara. It is easy, absolutely delicious and completely failure-proof. Yo mamma or yo baby mamma will love it.

Ingredients:

Serves 4

8 slices pancetta (I used 250g of bacon)

1 x 500 g packet of spaghetti

8 egg yolks

½ cup thickened cream

Grated parmesan cheese, for serving

Salt and pepper, to taste

Method:

1.   Bring a large pot of water to a rolling boil

2.   Add one tablespoon of salt, a teaspoon of olive oil

3.   Add the spaghetti and cook, following the packet instructions as a guideline until the spaghetti is cooked but retains texture.

4.   While that is cooking fry the bacon in a pan until crispy. Once cooked you can place the pan on top of the pot in which the spaghetti is cooking to keep it warm.

5.   Whisk the egg yokes thoroughly and then add in the cream and whisk together until thoroughly combined.

6.   When the pasta is cooked drain it in a colander and toss a dash of olive oil through it.

7.   Return it to the pot. Add in the egg and cream mixture and toss the spaghetti so it becomes coated with the mixture and lightly cooked. Sprinkle over two-thirds of the fried pancetta/bacon and toss to mix in.

8.   Sprinkle some fine, freshly grated Parmesan cheese over the bottom of the serving dish. Top with the spaghetti carbonara.

9.   Sprinkle the remaining pancetta/bacon over for texture. Sprinkle with grated Parmesan. Season with freshly ground black pepper and serve at once with Parmesan on the side.

 When I cooked and photographed this dish, I made the decision to do so at the last moment and only then discovered I had no Parmesan cheese. I substituted with grated cheddar and it was still delicious.

Please be cool and share!

Microwaved poached eggs

 I always figured microwave ovens were simply for defrosting and heating food, or occasionally nuking rice but of late I've discovered they can do a lot more.
 The discoveries are the result of my acute laziness and lifelong habit of searching for shortcuts. But now there is another reason. I live in a country where the government is so corrupt and inept that they've brought the national (and only) power utility to its knees. This means regular, rolling-blackouts and electricity costs almost doubling over the past few years. Consequently, whacking a roast in the oven, is an exercise in high-risk and, being able to afford to cook it, a miracle!
 I like eggs. I like 'em fried or poached but, most of the time, firing up the gas cooker, boiling water or using a frying pan and having to clean up afterwards, is simply too much PT. Like they say, 'the juice is not worth the squeeze!'
 Mostly I scramble them in the microwave but, though edible, they're rubbery and unappetizing. So, when I came across an article by Cat Bowen on how to poach eggs in a microwave, with seemingly little fuss, I was keen to give it a bash.

 The process is simple:

1.  Fill to three quarters, a microwave-proof, cereal dish, with water as hot as you can get it from the tap. Add a teaspoon of salt and a half a teaspoon of vinegar.
2.  Carefully break the egg into the water and nuke it for around 3 - 3 1/2 minutes. The cooking time will depend upon the initial temperature of the water, the size of the egg and the power of your microwave.
3.  When perfectly cooked remove the egg with a slotted spoon. It should be white and jiggly and the yoke will (hopefully) be oozey and runny.
4.  Eat it immediately! I screwed up here. The egg was perfect when I removed it from the water but only then did I start making the toast and preparing the plate. As a result, it continued to cook so when I finally cut it, the yoke was not as gooey as desired.

 Oh well, you live and learn.

 I poached three eggs before I got it right. Cooking times were erratic because of the variations in egg sizes and possibly the temperature of the tap water. I think a more consistent way to eliminate one of the variables may be to add the egg to already-boiling water. This would mean the water temperature is always consistent and result in reduced, constant cooking times.